Monday, December 26, 2011

There's no place like home

Driving home after Christmas is an exercise in geometry and patience. Geometry because it takes a highly analytical mind to organize both the gifts and the people in the car without blocking necessary windows or DOT-mandated passenger restraints. Patience because we were in the car for 9 hours on quite possibly the most boring road in America.  I-81 from one end of Virginia to another is a snooze. Fortunately, it is so intoxicatingly dull that the little nugget got in a good long nap in between episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba, games of "moo at the cows!" and "what do you see out the window?", and long stretches of pushing the buttons on his new Buzz Lightyear. Mom and dad, on the other hand, took turns driving and yelling at traffic. No adult naps were to be had. Boo!

Do you ever wonder why sitting so long in the car makes you so far beyond tired, you can't even see tired in the rear view mirror?  I am so spacey right now that I bet my grammar sucks in this post and to be honest, I don't even care. For me, that is huge. HUGE!

I am off work tomorrow and it should be slow and easy for the rest of the week. As Tammy Faye would say back in the day, PTL praise the lord. I am going to go fall down face first on my bed right now. Sleep tight Internetanistas!

OH I ALMOST FORGOT - I am on Twitter! I still totally don't understand it but what the heck, right? My ID is momUNblogger.  Look me up!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Be careful what you wish for because it may annoy the crap out of you.

When my son was an infant, he was so cute. I know I'm biased, but so.cute.  The main problem between us was the lack of truly understandable communication. Hungry, tired, sick, pissed off, bored - they all sounded the same:  Waaaaaah!  I used to look oh so forward to the day when he'd be able to tell me what hurts/what he wants to eat/when he wants to nap (ha!). Well, that day has been here for a while (little nugget is almost three) and I have to say, my ears are splitting. He does.not.shut.up. Ever! If it's not turning to ask me, "What's that?" as we see the 100th semi truck roll by on the highway, it's singing "Old MacDonald had a sheep" (always a sheep) a hundred times in a row. Today we went to a Christmas market with my inlaws. We babbled on and on and ON about Santa, and the reindeer, and the various ornaments, and the need to visit every potty within a ten mile radius. It was non stop. I am surprised he didn't end up with dry mouth. I need some quiet time stat. But I ain't gonna get it any time soon. My mom tells me to enjoy it now because when he's a teenager, he won't tell me anything.

I sincerely hope Santa put some earplugs in my stocking. Silent Night is sounding like more like a hope than a song!

Merry Christmukkah to all!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Cheap therapy

Some days, you just have to get it out. I am on the ranty edge and about to burst, so let me tell you what's putting me there. Feel free to submit any of these to White Whine because they are clearly first world problems. I suck.
  1. My office is noisy because they decided to install some sort of air blower in the ceiling above my head. They (whoever "they" is) won't move it or dull the roar so I sit in my office listening to what resembles jet noise all day. It is maddening. To make matters worse, it is the cold side of the building and my fingers are a lovely shade of blue.
  2. I swear I have extremely sloped shoulders. Freakishly sloped, in fact. I cannot keep my purse on my shoulder. This morning it slid down and caused me to spill my coffee on my pants. They're black pants, so you can't see it, but it went from hot to cold in no time flat and it looks like I peed in my pants. Lovely.
  3. I just heard that this will probably be the last season of House, MD. While it isn't the same without Cuddy, I am *dreading* the day they end it. I get a little ferklempt just thinking about it. My name is Michelle and I am addicted to Hugh Laurie.
  4. For some reason my clock is dysfunctional and is operating at a slower pace than it should be. It isn't stopped, it's just slow. And I changed the battery this morning. I have been late to everything today.
There really is so much more, but I have to run or I will be late for my lower back's appointment with the most excellent back cracker.  Ciao!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

First, a little bit about me...

There are so many mommy blogs out there. Some of them are even entertaining and worth reading. Most of them drive me nuts because they are so flippin' earnest. I am sure little Susie (more likely little Mykynzy) is wonderful and smart enough to skip six grades and is fascinating enough to be the subject of a 5,000 word treatise. I bet that someone out there wants to read about every little burp and pee and nursing mishap right as it happens. Those people probably aren't my readers. Wow, that's bold of me - assuming I'll have readers. How presumptuous! So what makes me and therefore will make this blog interesting?   Let's see...
  • I am a grammar freak. I totally make fun of people who misuse apostrophes, commas, and quotation marks. I worry that one day I will have to hire a lawyer to draft a contract and find out too late that he/she is one of these chronic grammar abusers. Whammo, that clause does not mean what I think it means and I'm screwed.
  • I have no idea how to use Twitter but apparently its use is mandatory for bloggers. This should be fun to watch.
  • I work in an asylum. Not a literal asylum, but pretty darned close. My place of work shall remain nameless for now to protect, well, me.
  • I can't stand Twilight, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. I am not on team Jacob, or Edward, or Gandalf. I am not a Belieber either. Sorry.
  • If I could be anyone at all, I would be Tina Fey. Just for a little bit because I don't want to have to wear glasses all the time. But she's awesome.
  • If I could be best friends with anyone at all, it would be Chelsea Handler. She is freakin' hilarious.
  • My preschool-age son is a riot and my husband is a very well-intentioned man of solid midwestern stock. I am from Boston. Sometimes our upbringings clash and it's hilarious.
Anyhoo, that's why you should follow my blog. I rock. Both of my parents say so.
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